I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
