Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
