Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
