I puked a lego.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
