I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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