Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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