five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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