Me. At least after what I've been through.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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