Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
