well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
