she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
