I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
