every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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