I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
