Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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