He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she told me i tasted like america
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
