bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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