Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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