the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
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