he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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