I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
