apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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