im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
