Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
