It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
