We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
