just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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