I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
