just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
