Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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