there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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