so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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