i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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