We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
