I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
