his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
