I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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