I intend to get homeless drunk
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
