I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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