Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
