Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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