There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
