When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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