I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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