I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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