"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
