You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
