It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
