It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
