i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
