just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
