That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
