look no pants
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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