As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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